I’m under stress. almost sure that my GPA will fall down and brake all my dreams after the mess I’ve done in the math exam. every one got out of the class crying,cursing and swearing. I had to escape from reality for half a day at least cause there are 3 more exams I need to focus in.
so, I have changed the theme 
, watched 3 movies and slept very well.
Today I woke up fresh and studied for tomorrow !
2nd/june/2008 I’m waiting for ya
Hamad town secondary girls school is the most failure school in the whole world, I will be happily gone (graduated) from it after few weeks and I WON’T miss it. god damn it !
the whole system is 5ra6a ! I mean we did not get any information about universities. other schools give lectures and trips but her ! ah
the graduation gown is ugly and we still don’t have them! will they give them to us on the party’s day? hah ! I’m a small person I need a small size!!!!!! I bet I will get an XXXXL size !
the UOB application papers, we have to go ourselfs, yes taking responsibility is good but we have no idea. they say that we need the graduation certificate, we don’t have them yet.should we hand over the application papers first and then the graduation certificate or what?? ! all schools I know has took them to UOB !
graduation pictures, I still have a chickenpox-ed face and they want to take pictures now ? without make up ? and they may publish them on the newspaper. cool the one with lots of pimples … that is me 
! haa3 sweet !
and … etc .. etc .. etc
I’m fade up .. enough 
Ah , I’m having chickenpox. I know I’m too old to have it now but. ehhh, no one infected me with it when I was a kid, So I had it from my little brother before 2 days.
Anyways, when I knew that I had a week off. I was like “yeah a break from the stupid school .. awesome 
” but I was completely wrong. It is an itchy week .. really I have a strong desire to rub and scratch myself against the wall but DAMN I CAN NOT AHHHHH. I can’t sleep well cause of that and when I fall asleep for a minute I have the weirdest dreams ever like ” the longest line of people with chickenpox” WTF ?
I paint my self with the white thing the gave me then wash it cause it hurts ! I sometimes say strange stuff cause of fever.
I went to the sea and GOD that was helpful but when I got home and my clothes dried it was the same old fucking annoying itch !
I’ll try “NEEM “<< a tree (leafs) they say it helps !
a tip for parents : let your kids have chickenpox while they are little kids “under seven yrs ” they can stand it better than the old people like I am ! really my little brother was playing and dancing while he was having it. if you have a kid let me kiss him/her now !
1- new habit :
lonely morning walk
I didn’t think that walking will help me being energetic, fresh and most important AWAKE. But it did. The air is clean in the morning, you can deeply breath oxygen, the sun is not hellish hot it’s just pretty soft light to see dewdrops on the green leafs of desert. Now It’s my escape from people’s buzz, to clear my mind and prepare to start a new day ..
2- New interests:
a. I love microbiology!
It’s very interesting to see the little guys we live with. I took drops from my parrot’s water and grow the bacteria in a Petri dish. Let’s see what we touch every day!
Day1
the small dots are the bacterial colony ! pretty ha?
After 2 days the fungi will come out . no not ew !
b. I love classic art
Ex: THE NIGHTMARE
Clear, strict, careful… Absolutely beautiful..
New friend:
I used to hate her, I was wrong. She is a really sweet person we just misunderstood each other.
Man , I can’t believe how stupid some people are !
one simple criticism makes you threatens suicide and other stupid things which gonna destroy you and only you?
If you are stupid enough to do it, do it ! I don’t care and I hope you burn in hell !
I’m MAD
BOYS ARE CRAZY !!!!!
I am the middle child , I felt left out when I was a kid. I felt that I have to be independent and never ask for help cause no one will ever help me cause my older brother has always stole the lights.
I felt in the beginning of teen aging that my parents hate me and I was just a mistake.
now (to my parents), I am the responsible person who close the doors before bed and keep the important stuff with! the one who can NEVER be mistaken so if I did a small silly mistake it is unforgivable and hunts me till I die. even my father said once you are smart you can’t be mistaken!
so, the older one can live his life although he have to learn how to be responsible.
and the elder one with a big age gab between me and him is the KID and I think he will be treated as the KID forever cause when I was his age I used to sleep alone but he doesn’t !
being a mid child is unfair !
I’m happy with my self now .. but my parents are mad cause they want my brother to be a bit like me ! .. refresh your memory..
mid children are always ” different” in a way ( good or bad )
stupid class mates I’m sick and tired of your FAKE femininity. yes softness and beauty are important and a part of being a female but not as you are doing ! you are unbearable !!!!!!!
* sneeze like a girl 
! do you mean that I have to blow my eardrum and have a bubble inside my skull for like a week ? no thanks I don’t want to sneeze like a girl I prefer my current human sneeze !
* walk like a girl . walking is the action which makes you move from point A to point B. my mama taught me to walk like this and she taught my brother to walk the same. walking is walking and but dancing is different.
DAMN you make life hard ! live easy !
so , 2 months left till I graduate. most of my friends and class mates has already decided what they are going to study next. but me ..! I’m still clueless. don’t tell me follow your dream cause I don’t have one anymore !
I had two dreams !
the first one WAS being a doctor and I think that every one has dreamed about it.
and the second one is creating a cartoon film. I still have hope on this one ! for unknown reasons I still think that I’ll make my cartoon film one day !
anyways, that is not gonna help !
I need help from people with experience 
If you read this tell me what are you studying and do you like it? / what would like to study and why ?
plz help !
The 13th of march 08
This day was full of love.
when we was walking to morning queues every one was in a rush which is weird cause every one hate it ! but the reason of that rush is that there were love letters every where on the yard. a letter of a desperate lover who is ready to kill him self for his lady ! and we heard lots of rumors like :” ohh I saw a girl crying I bet that is her”.. ” yeah I know the guy she dumped him” … ” no it’s for me he told me that !” but the funniest was the school headmistress who stood on a paper to read it later
*- That action made my friends confess about thier love relationships.
*- some girls called boys they love to say “I love you”
*- some girls were sad cause nobody love them and feel that no one will ever do such thing for them.
*- some girls were like ” asta’3fur allah” fa7shah la yajooooz !
*- I kept a copy of the letter to remember this day.the words are stolen from a song of kadhum al saher as I heard
looking at the mirror till my face blurs. then start talking to my self about my self, what I need, what I feel or just crazy talks !
The funny thing is that “my self” I’m talking to happened to be a guy. a guy with no face and he/me is my best friend cause I can talk without fear.
hmmn, I talked to my friends about that and they said that they do the same thing and some of them have named the guy/their self !
that is crazy I know ! but it helps ! and yeah we do not do it in puplic cause we will seem unstable
It is most people my age dirty little secret. ! so if you heard someone talking or laughing in his/her room don’t be afraid it’s self talking !
blogging may solve this crap
